Anglican Way Institute

ANGLICAN WAY INSTITUTE
Forming our faith, life, and view of the world according to the Anglican Way of following Christ

I would like to extend an invitation to all visitors and friends of this blog to attend the annual "Anglican Way" Conference. It is held in Dallas, TX, July 2nd-6th and is a wonderful time of fellowship amongst people of our generation who are eagerly seeking after the truth, and willing to think and pray through the theological and practical issues which assail serious Christians in our culture today.

This year's topic is "Finding Grace Through the Sacraments". If you or anyone you know might be interested, please pass on the invite and direct them to this link for more information: http://anglicanwayinstitute.org

The Squirrel Story

Once upon a time there was a woman who was a real mountain-woman. She took her six children camping every summer, thinkin’ the fresh air would do their over-taxed craniums some good. Wellll, these weren’t quite normal children. A few too many brain cells and shotguns amongst them to mean any good for anyone. Now, this woman had a whole swathe of boys out campin’ with her the summer long, and ONE lil’ girl.

If you’ve ever known a girl who grew up with a lot of boys, you might know that she often ends up a little more heartless and tough than the boys (a mix of necessity and overcompensation). This particular girl was of such a stripe.

The tent was pitched, and mom was a’cookin’ that day when the little girl wandered off with a gun tucked comfortably in her armpit (you know, that way you always see in the old westerns when the bad guy struts with gun crooked through his arm in that particular way).

Now, I’m absolutely sure this lil’ girl had nuthin’ in her head but good intentions. It was that damned squirrel that had the nerve to look so perrty and tasty, jumpin’ from branch to branch like IT owned the forest (which was certainly NOT true, cause these woods was that little girl’s). Driven by a twinge of tree-jumpin’-envy, she took that gun and butted it, aimed, and fired. VICTORY!!! Such a gleam ran through those eyes, a smile on those lips……

But in the cloud of smoke and flame of conquest, a placid mother’s face appeared right ’bout where that squirrel had dropped to the ground. If only it’d been a ghost, or a vision, or somesuch - but no. That was the real mother alright. She looked down, then up without a single hint of what was goin’ through her mind. Was she mad? Was she glad? Was she proud of her lil’ half pint’s shot?

Two words and a pointed finger at the carcass of that poor animal was all it took. “Yo’ supper”, she said, turned, and walked away.

That little girl had to defur, skin, slice, and fry that squirrel (can’t e’en mention what she was saying while doin’ that!!). She ate every bit, pretendin’ it was as lovely as mama’s steak pie. The boys laughed, but she never cried. She also never shot another squirrel…….well, that might be a fib, she just made sure here mama wasn’t nowhere near.


[Stories from my childhood...]

Laboro, Amo, et Confundo

Laborolaborare, laboravi, laboratum: Latin 1st Conjugation Present Active Indicative 1st Person Singular = "I work"
Amo, amare, amavi, amatum: "I love"
Confundo, confundare, confundavi, confundatum: "I blend, mix, confuse/confound"

This post will probably not make a lick of sense to many of you, but to the few who understand.... I will also warn you that there is no conclusion, though perhaps you can comment and make one.

I had a revelation recently. A very mundane revelation. I realized the other day that I am still in school and pursuing medical training so that I can work with the people I love to work with and do something that I love to do - and get paid for it. And that has seemed the most noble and perfectly correct path for me to walk on. Not being independently wealthy, or familialy wealthy, or any other kind of wealthy, I can't afford to do humanitarian aid and voluntary work every day for the rest of my life. So without intentionally cognating, I pursued medical (which I enjoy) so that I could support myself (which I need) so that I could pursue needy people (whom I love). Make sense?

Revelation (not of St. John, but of Nicole's slightly slow cranium):
With all my assortment of past jobs (waitress, secretary, baker, hardware-girl, construction, teacher, and *coming soon*: spotted owl researcher [more on that later]) it never occurred to me that I may have to choose a career that I didn't love, that didn't inspire and touch me - a career that wasn't my discerned calling. And in a moment I realized that most adults probably don't have the luxury of combining those two. "Do what you love, love what you do" is that realistic? "If you can't do what you love, love what you do" are much harder words for an idealistic optimist like myself, but perhaps more accurate. After two years of teaching (something I never had the desire to do), I have found that in God's good providence and sovereignty I was stretched and grown through working at something that didn't thrill me. He has allowed inspiration along the way, but the hard kind, the kind you have to look for. He has bestowed joy and contentment (not saying I always accepted those....). And as I near the end of my foreseen teaching career, He is granting fulfillment and peace that this was His plan for me, not a deviation from my path, but a continuation on that path which He laid for me before I was born, that path which will be just a tad more illumined because I first had to work and then find how to love that work.

I warned you there wasn't a conclusion. Just thoughts on a life that never stops being enlightened.

"My Life Dreams"

By my dearest loveliest 1st-3rd Grade Students writing about their life dreams:

"I want to go to Egypt. I want to see pyramids. I want to be a zookeeper. I want to be a Christian. I want to go around the world in a year. I want to be a famous writer. I want to be an artist. I want to be a teacher and write books."

"I would like to be magical. I would be a famous car designer in Philadelphia. I would like a hover-board whith rokets. I would also like a dragon egg."

"I want to find Giza and the tomb of faro [Pharoah...} Khufu."

"I want to biuld towrs and houses and statuse of sand.I want to biuld a hole city with thowsends of peaple."

"I want to have super powers and fly in the sky. I want to have a pet dragon."

And my favorite:

"I would like expecially a lambrginy with rockets."

I love dreams.

SmugMug

I can now present and offer you my photos in a more user-friendly and attractive format at:

http://www.nicoledem.smugmug.com

For friends and family of St. Andrew's Academy, please email or ask me to get the password for those albums.

Winter-fairied mountains

Church of the Crow

I wonder how long you've perched there, and if you sing along in praise of our common Maker.
I wonder if you tell your friends, or bring your children here to worship.
But mostly I wonder why you look so austere and possessive, wondering
what I am doing here.

Lenten Skies

Through the branches of a tree I see the world. The sky must really exist, way up there, but the obstructions seem so great and looming, as though they want to curve you away from the clarity and expanse of the air. I squint, trying to see the heavens above more clearly than I see the barked branches that vie for my focus. I know that the heavens above encompass all, that they are vast and beautiful and the things they contain worthy of constant pursuit. But damn the branches in the way, the fruit which hangs enticing my soul to be overwhelmed by the weight of sin and death.

May I never forget that Love which has pierced this darkness and straightened the crooked path and the Light which even now shines through the brambles and grants a glimpse of the eternal. May your Lenten season allow you to see your sin alight with the sacrifice of Jesus Christ.

Scenes of Wintertide

Wintertide?? We are soooo past the tide part.








And my favorite scene which is all-too familiar for me right now:

More Wedding Pics!

Groomsmen (photo taken by Photographer David Linder:


Phil & I


Bridesmaids:


Bride & Groom:


Apparently I was amused...

Phil's Married!!

And it was gorgeous. The Groom, the Bride, the whole thing was absolutely lovely. Only a few pics for now (as I was in the ceremony, I couldn't get any of the actual proceedings):



A very pleased mother and son:


Dad & I dancing (I probably stepped on his toes at this very moment):


Though looking rather despondent, Timmy actually woke up sick as a dog and suffered through looking dashing all day:


This is my only-slightly-older sister:


Stephan & I:


Bella Mama:

All Together

For the first time in years, my whole immediate family was together for Christmas. And seeing that Phillip is getting married January 5th, this may be the last of "just us".

We revisited our childhood with a multiple-hour-long game of Monopoly:



Because we've always been too poor to buy a new game, our game pieces were quite varied (Energizer battery, quarter, penny, etc...). "We were 'appy though we were poor"....(name that quote and get ten dollars!!



There was much laughter:



Some were left with very little:

His Mountain

Once I sat a-pondering upon a hill not mine own.
I borrowed someone else's mound
To see what they might see.
Or think.
Or feel.

But I did not feel,
Nor think,
Nor see
Anyone's sights, thoughts, or feelings
Other than my very own.

"Methinks", I hushed to myself,
"That there is only One Who has seen all
Thought all
Felt all",
Not only for himself; but for all mankind.

And this is His mound upon which I sit,
Aspiring only to embrace all the world
As He has, is, and ever will.


Picture from Rashan, Kosova, 2006

Transition

Ah... the time has finally come.

Five years of saving for it.

Two years of wondering if I could really give up film

And two weeks of a new digital world.

I have left film behind and have joined the age of today!

Various & Sundry Photography

Midnight Office

I have a growing appreciation and affection for praying the Midnight Office. It's neither Compline nor Lauds, neither the end of a day nor the beginning.

During the Evening Offices, the weight of the day's occurances are nearby in the mind, bringing with them the concerns, problems, and blessings of the day past.

During the Morning Offices there is a certain anticipation for the upcoming day with its schedule, people, meetings, work, and all that we cannot forsee within them.

But at midnight the greatest distraction is your melatonin, and if you can suspend that for fifteen minutes, there is nothing to crowd the mind nor soul. No regret for the past day nor anxiety for the future one. It is peaceful and focused.

St. Mark of Ephesus said regarding the midnight office, "rising from sleep for it, we signify the transportation from the life of the deceit of darkness to the life which is, according to Christ, free and bright, with which we begin to worship God. For it is written, 'The people who sat in darkness saw a great light (Is. 9:2; Mt 4:16)." From Patrologia Graeca 160, 1165D.

There is also a sense of redeeming the darkness, and filling it with the Light of Christ.

I would encourage you to try this, as I have been encouraged in trying to develop the midnight prayer into my daily cycle.

The Shades of Life

While there are moments of fiery brilliance as seen in the skies posted earlier, so often we must learn to handle the gray shades of life. Beautiful, comfortable, regular they loom above us.

Apparently this is the way the Church is too. For all of the beautiful purples and reds and glorious whites of liturgical colors - green - yes, green - is the color we have for twenty-four weeks straight. Green. The color that the trees are on all regular days. Green. The color of the grass ten months out of the year.



My life has seemed gray of late. Or green. During a season when the green is supposed to be preparing for those few months of brilliant leaves and fall colors, my sky has been gray. It's a good gray, with subtle shades, but it is not full of passionate oranges and reds. I think I am being a glimpse into so many people's lives: get up, feed the kids, go to work, get home, make dinner, go to bed; next day: get up, feed the kids, go to work, get home, make dinner, go to bed. Maybe a couple days out of the month have a chisel-tipped pink highliter scratch over them - but most are the same.

I don't want that life. So, how do I make my gray more brilliant? Is it simply by seeing the myriad of colors that go into gray? Or that rainbows are most clearly seen peeking through the gray skies? I think I am going to try to be alright with gray. Try to makethe grays beautiful in a grayish way. I'll tell you if I start seeing rainbows.

Caritas

"To love at all is to be vulnerable.
Love anything, and your heart will certainly be wrung and possibly be broken.
If you want to make sure of keeping it intact, you must give your heart to no one, not even to an animal.
Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements; lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. but in that casket - safe, dark, motionless, airless - it will change.
It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable.
The alternative to tragedy, or at least to the risk of tragedy is damnation.
The only place outside Heaven where you can be perfectly safe from all the dangers and perturbations of love is Hell." C.S. Lewis' The Four Loves

Some questions on love:
- Why are your closest friends and family amazingly adept at "pushing your buttons"? What is it about philial affections that can make us prone to quick offense and subsequently quick repair?
- What is it about our soul that finds the greatest satisfaction and fulfillment in the most sacrificial of loves? I say soul because it doesn't seem as though it would satisfy the flesh, but perhaps I am missing something here.
- What is the connection between love and duty? You have to love your husband, even when he seems unloveable; you have to love your brother even when he's unloveable, etc... Being human, we have to acknowledge love goes so much deeper than the eros, so is the deepest love (agape) still tied to duty, or is it the loves in between?
- Very important question: why is "love" always associated with the heart?

I have begun working on some essays on loves, so am probing for your thoughts.

The Sky Above

Once my mom asked me if I would ever stop taking pictures of the sky. I told her that I would stop when I saw the same one twice. God uses a palette that we cannot even imaging; I suppose He creates a new color each day, one we may not even perceive. Just because it pleases Him. And the colors and clouds never cease to casually change at His command. I like to think that our awe at such a sight is echoed in the sky, as each ray realizes it is part of something gloriously wonderful and continues to obey the whim of the Artist above.




















Budapest sunset on my birthday by Leslie Mezger

Eggplant

Have you ever contemplated the beauty of eggplant? The colors are amazingly swirled together, so sometimes it looks black, sometimes ruby red, and somehow purple all over. I think I might keep an eggplant on my counter all the time now, just to learn more about the hand that made it. Maybe I'll even work up the courage to try to capture its beauty on canvas. But today I'll just stare at it.

From the lips of children

My 2nd-5th grade students had a discussion regarding the Fall of man today. They brought up some things I have never thought about before, and am very humored by:
If Adam hadn't sinned:
1) Would we still get papercuts?
2)Would we die if we got shot by a gun (the gun was of course created, not to hurt people, but to shoot fruit off of high trees)
3) We would be so crammed with people there wouldn't be any room to move.
4) We would have serious traffic jams!
5) If you tripped, would it hurt?
6) Would you be able to swim underwater (because if you couldn't die you couldn't drown....)
7) If you were eaten by a shark, would you live inside it forever.
8) If you stepped on a beetle, would it die?